Premarital Agreement: When You Need it, When You Don’t.
What people call “Love” is interpreted as some people to mean attraction. Infatuation. Adventure. Feelings. At times, what we label ‘butterflies’ are simply active hormones.
Therefore, it is not surprising that the he same things we love about our partners is irritating after 10 years.
|DATING||AFTER 5-10 YEARS OF MARRIAGE|
|She is great at accounting||She is frugal and tight-fisted|
|He is so funny||“Can you just be serious for one minute?!” – spouse|
|She is so independent||“I want you to need me!” – spouse|
|He is so laid-back||This man is so lazy|
|He is charming||He is a ladies’ man|
|She knows how to takes charge||She is manipulative|
|He is so focused and driven||He is too career-driven|
|She is very helpful||She is so controlling|
|He is spontaneous||He does not know how to plan|
|She is so energetic||“I need you to calm down!” – spouse|
|He treats his mom well||Oh no, he is a mama’s boy|
|He listens to me||He doesn’t know how to lead|
|He is so hot||<God help you if he misses the gym for 5 years>|
|She is so beautiful||<Is that without makeup and after child-rearing?>|
The chart above helps with perspective.
The same positive traits you saw and loved while dating can easily turn into negative trait. It is all about PERSPECTIVE!
You may need a premarital agreement if:
- You have medium to large assets prior to marriage.
- There are children from a previous marriage, and you want to designate certain properties to them.
- There is an uneasy hunch or gut-feeling about your soon-to-be partner.
- You want to protect yourself from debts or financial mismanagement.
- You want a contract that outlines ‘what happens if it does not work?’
The disadvantage of a premarital agreement (prenup) is that it can create distrust. There is an unspoken element to a contractual relationship versus “love”. A prenup can create the feeling that one or both partners are ready to bail in sickness, pain, or hard times.
However, it is possible that your relationship needs that type of guidance – in writing.
Talk to your partner about these feelings (if they exist) and why you feel that a premarital agreement will help – not ruin – your relationship. Once you have addressed motives, you can show your love to one another just as well as other couples.
A lot of couples make the mistake of masking reality by sweeping conflicts under the rug. When conflicts arise, deal with it as soon as you can. The more issues pile up, the harder it becomes to resolve them.
If your relationship has reached the point where you are unable to detangle the mess, talk to a counselor. Consult with a professional about your decisions and marital journey.
Also, we have mediators who can assist with finding solutions to marital conflicts.
You may not need a premarital agreement:
- Little to no assets before marriage. In other words, you do not have financial interests to protect. In Texas, properties acquired during marriage belong to both – community properties.
- If creating a prenuptial agreement will hurt the marriage (marital trust) before it starts.
- Religious reasons: some people of certain faith may not feel comfortable with prenups. If this is your reason, make sure there is no pressure or duress involved. Talk to a counselor if necessary.
Learn more about what you call love. If necessary, create an agreement about how you will handle your finances, child-rearing, and property division prior to marriage. It is not necessary; however, depending on the relationship, it may be more beneficial.